Friday, February 11, 2011

2012 Acura TL - It's here and it's queer; get used to it

In the ever-expanding and fast-paced auto industry, Das Auto! always tries its darnedest to provide its readers with pure, unadulterated news from the forefront of wherever the f&ck news happens these days.  Our senior news correspondent, Yuri Bonergarden, embodies himself in his work and has brought us the low-down on the new 2012 Acura TL! We at Das Auto! found his information to be worthy of a post, hence today's topic.
The first thing our news correspondent, Yuri Bonergarden, thought when he set his eyes on the 2012 model was "is this f&cking car smiling at me?"

He conveys an extremely valid point. This car looks incredibly gay, or homosexual to be more politically-acceptable. Very rarely does a car give off a "stick-your-dick-in-my-tailpipe" vibe, but the 2012 Acura TL seems to have pulled it off successfully.

With the TL's faggot-appearance sufficiently criticized, let's talk transmissions. Surprisingly, this is the only aspect of the car that Yuri found to be acceptable. He liked the fact that the six-speed automatic transmission allows "double kickdowns". I asked Yuri what this meant, and he was happy to explain it to me in his ever-professional manner. He calmly explained that a "double kickdown" is where the transmission can skip from 5th to 3rd (for example) without ever touching fourth. As he caressed the TL gently with his right hand (while playing with his nipple with his free hand), he whispered in a deep, sensual growl to me that he really liked the double kickdown feature. Needless to say, the Acura representatives wouldn't let him touch the TL after that.

Yuri guffawed at me when I asked about the TL's engine. He told me it's the same 280-horsepower 3.5-liter V-6 and 305-horsepower 3.7-liter V-6 as last year's model, and that I should shut the f&ck up and wrap up this post because I'm rambling. 

In conclusion, I have a subconscious prejudice against Honda's and Acura's when I've been drinking, and I blame said prejudices on a third party, Yuri Bonergarden (AKA the "Traveling Businessman"), who may or may not be a figment of my delusional, drunken imagination. If any Acura-lovers or homosexuals were offended by this post, feel free to sue me.

41 comments:

  1. i wish i could have one of these
    come support yourself at -> Motivational confessions

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  2. I was wondering the whole time who this Yuri Bonergarden was lol

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  3. So far, it appears only thenitefalls has read the post. Yuri Bonergarden is displeased.

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  4. not a fan of TL. I have a buddy who just bought a new one and I am less than impressed :/

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  5. looks like a toyato, needs more flying cars

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  6. You won't hear any complaints for me for hating on it. Each generation these cars get bigger and uglier. If I'm going to put my penis in a car, it surely will not be this one!

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  7. cool looking car man wish i could get one.

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  8. Stick-your-dick-in-me vibe, brilliant.

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  9. Sweet car, I do love a sexy ride, if you know what I mean.

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  10. this makes me wish i was still allowed to drive

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  11. In my part of the world Acuras are driven by people of the Hebraic persuasion. Homos here drive Subarus thanks to some DINKY (DINKE?) marketing in the 90s.

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  12. Acura's are pretty nice, I like this one.

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  13. He gets a bit excited about double kick downs huh? LOL. I'm neither so I am not offended but I am very amused. :)

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  14. i dont see why you hate this car, I personally love it!

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  15. gay or not, I'd gladly drive that over my shitty car.

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  16. It looks - kinda strange.
    Not sure if I like it will have to see one in the street or something

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  17. Yuri! I love that guy, makes me think about going Balls Deep!

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  18. thats the new tomorrow right there! niceeeee

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  19. I used to HATE Honda but love Acura. I know weird right? I always wanted an Integra (I am and always will be a huge Tigger nut) then an RS. Sadly now I am getting old and just want a sporty/fun car that is easy to get my family in/out of. And good -> great mpg. I WANT a Camaro but its not a family car so I am reduced to enjoying these 4 door "sport sedans". So .. I understand the enjoying the power todays cars have while not being overly thrilled with their appearances.

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  20. not a big acura fan personally. they arent bad, they just arent right for me.

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  21. LOL a gay car. Must feel strange to put something in it.
    From what I read it has a reasonable amount of power??? Not so gay.

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  22. LMAO at the title of this post. Das you're a trip :D

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  23. hmmm i kinda like it, like the previous models. especially the type s

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